The Archived Group Chats

These days we don’t really get to have physical albums that can make us feel nostalgic and remind us of a gone moment. What we do have are 5 year old left group chats that are archived on Facebook. I often get reminders of friendsversary I might be celebrating when in reality we aren’t friends anymore and this sort of brings back memories and gone moments that were better off as gone. Looking back into the texts of few group chats today, I realized how much I invested myself into people, a typical people pleaser. I always knew the right things to say to make someone think I am different from others and I am special. We had this phase back in school, my friends and I were overly caring and protective, I don’t know if that’s a thing among 15 year olds. New hormones did make me like the attention but I always used to get it effortlessly anyway. In present, those texts make no sense to me. I actually did not care if someone ate or if someone was sad because their best friend got into a relationship. It was all just plain unfelt emotions I used, to console my friends just to be a part of the “group chat”. I wasn’t all emotionless but emotions weren’t flowing out all the time like I portrayed it for my social existence. I am sure if someone of those group chats ever reads this, they would call me a sociopath, but I can’t pretend and think that they never felt the same way. I always think why I wanted to be a part of a certain friend group in my tenth grade, they were classmates and they still very much are in touch, it only makes sense considering how they were 6 years ago. I didn’t realize this until a girl of that group asked me their group photo of a celebration that I was a part of as well. I was never in their group photo that day, and I think it made things clear for me, the desperate urge I always had to fit in, that one text showed me that one cannot fit in just because they want to, they have to be accepted first. I don’t have any hard feelings toward them, they are still one of the most real people I know. They did teach me to be more real to myself, as much as I wanted to really be them. I have never had inseparable friendships since my expectations from people is too high, but I have had memorable encounters and those childish group chats that showed me I was a part of something and then time did its trick, while I also believe in nothing is forever so I would rather be true to myself than put myself into group chats that I will one day leave anyway. The archived old chats that made me look back today and made me reflect upon my growth over the years, to become a little more closer to myself instead of being close to someone else when I would just pretend to them as someone else. The new way of album and feeling nostalgic sure meets it’s purpose, I am sure you would go check your archived chats now.